Concerned about fantasy vs lying

Parents will ask about children telling stories. Parents are concerned that a child who tells untrue stories about events might be learning that saying things that are not true is ok.

Remember behaviors are part of a child's psychological health. Psychological health incorporates both genetics and learning. Children usually should have begun to develop logic by age 7 ish. Brain development, as well as social development, and other learning, are their reason for saying things or making up things, but each child is unique. Development is individualized. There is a range of approximate age when children begin to understand the difference between real and fantasy. Parents should give thought to other examples regarding their child's demonstration of this ability to know the difference. http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/development/piaget.shtml

Empathy is learned therefore can begin at a very early age yet pragmatic and social experiences seem to be more conscious starting around age 3. Again learned behaviors are individualized for many reasons. There are many factors which affect learned experiences. Parents of course play a significant role in teaching empathy. Remember, giving children information in a positive way will be most effective to promote children to be receptive and responsive to the information. http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/how-children-develop-empathy/

Another important consideration is motive. What is the child's objective. If he or she is having fun, being creative, or demonstrating healthy harmless fantasies..fine, but if children are learning to use fibs (nice word for lying) to manipulate, create confusion, be harmful, or avoid taking responsibility for an inappropriate behavior then parents must address the situation with implementation of appropriate consequences in order to teach children that telling the truth is important for many reason and that lying can and probably will cause them to lose many privileges in life.

Remember as always, learn about child development from reputable sources. And for more information you should always contact a child behavioral expert.

Happy parenting!

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a virtue and a healthy mindset as well as a healthy behavior. The interesting aspect is that forgiveness is much more healing for the forgiver than it is for the perpetrator/offender.

A little forgiveness eases the stress and reduces the energy required for remaining angry. Staying angry inhibits the ability to think positively. There are many cognitive distortions that people are accustomed and conditioned to utilize in order to maintain unhealthy ways of thinking. Staying angry requires lots of these distortions all at once.

Imagine of individuals channeled all that same energy and effort into being positive, kind, happy, healthy, and productive.??

Another note on communication skills

If people would learn to express their feelings respectfully and accurately on a regular basis, then other would probably be more receptive and responsive to to them.

Generally individuals are simply emotionally reactive without conscious thought. They say and do things because of how something makes them feel, instead of being a critical thinker and making sure they have all the information about the situation or the person. The react before they take the time to consider all possible causes of someone actions or comments.

Also when expressing feelings people more often then not simply state something about someone else. They begin too many sentences with "you" instead of "I".

Many people could benefit tremendously from improving their communication skills.

Loneliness

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34209727/ns/health-behavior/

Learn more!

It does not matter what you want to do...learning more will be helpful. The more you learn about any interesting topic, hobby, activity, career, etc. etc. you will benefit and be better prepared.

You will be able to make informed decisions and better choices for yourself, when you are educated about any topic that is of interest to you.

So...are you interested in being healthy and happy? Are you interested in learning about how and why you think, feel and behave as you do?

Would you be interested in improving your communication skills and interactions with others?

earn about you mind ! There is plenty to learn.

Expectations/should systems

Individuals often have expectations about how others should think, feel and behave. Yes it is important to have standards for yourself and even others the problem occurs when people allow the behavior of others to cause stress or negativity in their lives. It is not productive to allow other peoples thoughts, feelings or behavior to cause you stress. It is productive and healthy to decide what you want to do in response or in reaction to others thoughts, feelings, or behavior.

So if you want to be healthier, there are a few things you can do. You can either gain a better understanding of why people are thinking, feeling, or behaving as they are when it does not meet your expectations, and often with more knowledge you will probably be less stressed. You could change your expectations. You can plan on being proactive and taking positive productive action in response to whatever is causing you stress. Or you can choose to not allow yourself to get stressed about things you cannot change, just accept it! You actually have lots of options rather than just being stressed! You must develop skills for having appropriate expectations.

YELLING!!!

Do you yell? Raise your voice !? Do you do this because you think the person you are yelling at will listen, be more responsive, intimidated? Or do you yell because you are simply reacting to your own anger, frustration, etc.?
Bottom line is that raising your voice is ineffective in motivating most people to change their behavior. Yelling can intimidate some people but only if they are vulnerable. Mostly yelling will escalate a situation and can definitely make things worse.
Also yelling, even if a form of venting is still the behavior which is resulting from a negative feeling or emotion, is not healthy. Anger and other negative emotions are forms of stress. They are a persons way of responding negatively to circumstances. Stress is very unhealthy.
So if yelling is ineffective and unhealthy, maybe people can learn how to not get so upset.
Any stress is unhealthy. People can larn to understand how their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are related and therefore learn to manage their reactivity to challenging situations better.
This does require a little education, effort, and practice, but what a wonderful skill to develop and master. Whew! Reduce or eliminate stress and the negative effects of stress ! Yeah! Great idea and anyone can do it!

Positive Parenting Class

"Positive Parenting"
Parenting can be the hardest job on the planet!

1) Learn to reduce, minimize, or eliminate your stress and negativity!
2) Learn all the proven effective, positive parenting strategies.
3) Develop a discipline system that works for your family.
4) Learn how to perfect implementation of your discipline system!

If you are a parent who wants their children to be:
- Safe - Happy - Healthy - Respectful - Responsible - Confident - Independent - Able to think for themselves - Cooperative - Motivated -
- Able to make good choices - Communicative - Self disciplined - Enthusiastic about having a good relationship with you - Successful -

Instructor: MS Child /Adolescent psychotherapist, Parent Expert/Coach, PhD student
Location: Baltimore City - Canton area
Fees: $25.00 per participant, 40$ per couple
Date/Time: December 2 & 9th, 2009 , 6:30 - 8:30 p.m. (4hrs)
Registration is required
Seating is limited

For more information: Contact Dianne DeSantis MS
positiveparentingusa@gmail.com
Call 410-528-3329
www.positiveparentingusa.com

Attribution Theory

Please give some thought to the idea that there are often potentially many reasons that a behavior occurs. Just because you experience or observe someone 's behavior does not necessarily mean that you completely or accurately understand why the behavior is occurring.

Behaviors such as what someone says or does, often results from many attributing factors. Be sure to consider all factors and clarify your assumptions.

You will probably find that you will experience less stress.

Sorry ...Vacation Time!

Sorry for the lapse in blogging. I took a month off to drive cross country. It was very inspiring and motivational. I highly recommend the challenging adventure!

Thanks for your continued support and patience while I was away!

Arguing is unhealthy

A healthy debate is great! An emotional argument most often offends, promotes more anger, hostility, animosity, and an entire array of negativity including poor health. Generally arguing occurs because individuals are upset and lose the ability to communicate effectively. There really is not need to argue ever! Once a person or persons can realize that they are no longer able to address the issues at hand without feeling negative, they should learn to take a break.

It is always good to find ways to resolve conflict, but arguing usually doesn't work! Talking works...communication works...everyone needs to learn the difference!

Suicide Prevention Week: Third leading cause of death in adolescents

Suicide is an unpleasant and too often avoided topic. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for young people ages 15 - 24. It is only third behind homicides and accidents as stated in the Amercian Association of Suicidology Statistics. And based on reports there are probably more suicides that are reported as homicides and accidents for a number of reasons. The statistical fact sheets are always overwhelming. Some of the youth facts are listed below from the 2006 Statistics. It takes almost 3 years for these annual statistics to be complied and publicized.

• Each day, there are approximately 11.5 youth suicides in our nation.
• Every 2 hours and 5 minutes, a person under the age of 25 completes suicide in our nation.
• In 2006, 216 children ages 10 to 14 completed suicide in the U.S.
• Suicide rates for those between the ages of 10-14 increased over 50% between 1981 and 2006.
• Maryland ranks 34 in 2006 and approximately 9.1 youth ages 15-19 completed suicide per every 100,000. That equals 4189 young people in 2006.

The primary focus of Suicide Prevention Week is to raise awareness that suicide can be prevented. If more people were informed about the warning signs and basic prevention skills many lived could be saved.

There is much to understand and learn about suicide. Everyone is not expected to become an expert, but just as people learn preventative measures for so many other safety and health issues, people should be motivated to learn more about the prevention of suicide.

It is important that people understand the trends, possible causes, and warning signs for youth suicide. The Center for Disease Control (CDC) has published articles to help keep others informed.

One important point is that there is no type of person who commits suicide and the reason that any one person might consider suicide can be very different from the reasons that might cause another person to become suicidal. Everyone has mental health and can become ill or suicidal, so anyone could be at risk for suicide.

Warnings signs and symptoms of suicidal thinking are not always blatant or obvious but can be more subtle. Warnings signs are important to know and are listed on many reputable sites (warnings signs and risk factors), however, people must feel informed and confident about what to do when they recognize potential warning signs. Warning signs in children or adolescents might be even more masked or underlying since children are less able to recognize unhealthy thinking, are afraid, embarrassed, or have the needed vocabulary, and are more vulnerable in general.

There are many reputable sites and many professional ready to help provide information or intervention. Please be aware, get informed, and prepared to take action in the event you or someone you know is in need of help. A few minutes to listen, talk, learn, or find help could save your life or the life of someone you love.

Lifeline is a national suicide prevention organization among many available for assistance regarding suicide prevention and intervention. Grassroots Crisis Intervention Center is a local suicide prevention and intervention agency available located in Columbia, Maryland.

Please call if you or someone you know has any questions or concerns to get the support, resources, and help that can save a life.

Body Dysmorphia

A good number of people especially women struggle with body image. Many people are not happy about what they think they look like. This type of thinking is normal to a certain point. When someone imagines that they appear to look uglier than most people would agree with or the thoughts of body imperfection or ugliness impair a person's functioning, then it is possible that a person is experiencing body dysmorphia.

Some professionals claim that unless a person meets all the criteria in the mental health handbook...(DSM IV), that individuals are healthy but unhappy. Many other professionals agree that happiness is great measurement of a person's ability to think in healthy ways and maintain psychological health. Also even mild symptoms of body dysmorphia often plays a role in other areas of life and functioning.

Below is a link defining and describing symptoms for body dysmorphia.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/body-dysmorphic-disorder/DS00559

Feelings

Our feelings are a result of what we think. You cannot have a feeling without a thought. Not physiological feelings, like hunger or pain, but psychological feelings. Your feelings or emotions result from what you are thinking. Yes this process can be so fast that it seems to be automatic or even that feelings occur before the thought.
Think about it this way, can you be afraid if you do not know you are in danger? Can you be sad about something before you know it happened? Can you be angry before you are aware of what someone did? Point is you cannot have an emotion unless you have a thought about something...
Examples:
Someone pointing a gun at you but you do not know he is there...you cannot feel afraid until you know he is pointing a gun at you.
Someone is killed in a car accident..you can only feel sad after you are told about the accident. You are not sad when it happens.
Someone robs your home or breaks into your car, you find out and then you get upset not while they are violating you.

So with that said...if you have a thought and then a feeling....if we can manage what we think then we can manage our feelings.
So if you think in unhealthy or negative ways ...guess what???
I bet you figured this out...you will have negative and unhealthy feelings!

Treatment Advocacy Center

One of the biggest problems for some with a few specific types of mental illness is that one of the profound symptoms includes the inability to recognize the illness. These individuals truly believe they are healthy.

There are also other situations and factors that may cause an individual to not be able to recognize that he or she is inflicted with a mental health problem. A few common disorders include Schizophrenia, Bipolar, and Anosognosia. Please visit the link below and read these interesting facts about these disorders. Also this info will help understand what is going on and that these symptoms are real and affect many people.

The Treatment Advocacy Center provides assistance and information regarding these types of situations and what family or other persons who care can do.

www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org

Decision Making?

How good are you at making good decisions for yourself? What motivates you? what makes you choose to do what you do?

Do you want to please others? Do you worry about what others think? Trying to impress others?

Who are you making happy and healthy with your decisions about health, finances, activities, career choices, education, relationships?

MMMMM......

Exercise daily

One of the best things you can do to stay healthy in both mind and body is to get some exercise every day.

Few people make exercise a lifestyle and habit. It's a good habit.

Find what you enjoy because if you do not like what you are doing you will not continue..duh??

There are many activities that can get the blood flowing, muscles and joints moving...
Also do not forget the mental exercise ...a little positive thinking first thing in the morning will start your day off on a good POSITIVE note...the results are amazing!

If you are ill...

When you are ill it is much harder to manage your emotions. It is important to make adjustments in order to care for yourself and minimize your stress as best as possible.

Allow yourself time to feel ill and be aware of your emotions. It is natural to be more irritable because you do not feel well. However, this is an opportunity to figure out and practice what works best for you when you are ill. Also if you make extra efforts to care for your psychological health during your medical challenge you will facilitate the healing process.

Ideas might include: alone time, do something you have no time to do when you are busy with your regular routine, like organize files or drawers, read a book, listen to music, meditate, plan holidays or your next vacation. Make yourself as comfortable as possible and utilize your support system. Allow other to take care of you and your responsibilities. It is OK. then show your appreciation.

You can be ill and miserable or you can be ill and be not so miserable ...that is up to you but the later will help you get better sooner.

Bottom line take good care of you...you deserve it !

Relationships

If two people love one another and both want to be in a relationship then they can. Can they always work through their differences on their own. Not always. There are lots of good books but it also can be very helpful to speak with an objective person to help sort out the factors which cause conflict.

Learning skills to resolve conflict is critical for any relationship. All relationships have challenges and conflict.

Personality, needs, expectations, and approaches to daily routines or unusual events are all aspects to be considered and understood.

Understanding is key and each person must make reasonable effort to understand and compromise in order for any relationship to be healthy.

Getting along with others

If you have trouble getting along with others or if you feel agitated most of the time maybe you could benefit from talking with someone to help you understand why you are feeling this way.

Sometimes individuals have imbalances in their brain chemistry which can cause negative thinking. The negative thoughts cause unpleasant feelings and then those feelings can result in unsafe, inappropriate and problematic behaviors.

Please care for your psychological health as you do your physical health!

Confusion about psychology

Part of the confusion about psychology and psychological well being is that it is quite challenging to tease apart what thoughts or behaviors are a result from genetic and physiological make up and which are a part of a learned process, or both, which is usually the case.

It is not certain that this can always be determined. Surely an unhealthy mind or way of thinking is not as simple as a broken arm.

You cannot look at someone or open up their brain and see anger for example. The chemicals in the brain that affect the way a person thinks are very complex and much a mystery still to the most well studied neuro psych doctors.

Though neuroscience has come a long way in recent years, the brain is so very complex that we have only just begun to unravel the wonders of what goes on inside to cause many brain functions, especially in regard to emotions.

The boundaries for where learned behavior starts and ends or where chemicals are predominantly running the show is multifaceted. These two overly simplified components of what makes people think, feel, and behave as they do are ever integrated and evolving.

For those who think they always know why people do what they do...
and those who always can tell others how they should think, feel, and behave...
please ... consider reading more about this topic that you already know so much about!

Stress

Stress can be defined as any negative or unhealthy reaction or response to circumstances, events, thoughts, or people.

The wikipedia definition is,,,

Stress is a biological term which refers to the consequences of the failure of a human or animal to respond appropriately to emotional or physical threats to the organism, whether actual or imagined.^[1] It includes a state of alarm and adrenaline production, short-term resistance as a coping mechanism, and exhaustion. Common stress symptoms include irritability, muscular tension, inability to concentrate and a variety of physical reactions, such as headaches and elevated heart rate.^[2]

Stress includes a comprehensive array of symptoms, the most problematic is that people are beginning to accept stress as a ok part of life....NO individuals must minimize stress and learn to be healthier in the way they react or respond to everything!

MINDCare and Crime

If you have read any of my previous writings you know that I am amazed over and over that people do not think they have mental health.

Everyone has mental health. Some people are healthier than others. Psychological well being is the sum of genetics and learned behaviors. These two components are integrated in an ongoing fashion, meaning one constantly affects the other so it can get very complicated. However, there is much that can be understand by this simplification.

People make choices. What causes people to choose to do what they do is a result of how they feel and what they think. Why they think as they do can be either genetic or learned.

So people who commit crimes...do they learn that committing crimes is the best choice for them ? or is their some genetic predisposition that causes them to think it is OK or appropriate to commit crimes?

Either way criminal behavior is a result of poor mental health or psychological well being.
All mental health is not about diagnosable illness...it is about all aspects of thinking, feeling, and behaving in healthy ways!

Being Flexible: Adaptation is a sign of intelligence

People in general are so stressed out. Individuals have so much anxiety and worry about far more things than they can really do anything about. Some good ideas for being healthier might include:

1. Turn off the TV
2. Read a book, listen to music, etc.
3. Be flexible- Adaptation is a sign of intelligence
4. Do things that are intellectually and physically stimulating and challenging
5. Learn to relax
6. Learn to listen to what others are saying
   
7. Be flexible- Adaptation is a sign of intelligence
8. Learn to prioritize...(what is really important)
   
9. Focus on your self and your life
10. Practice Self Care - Psychological and Physical
11. Choose a healthy lifestyle....Duh...

Seems pretty basic and general...try it ...

Naturally everyone needs to find what works for them. Hopefully, everyone will one day be smart enough to at least make healthy choices regarding the factors in their life that they have the ability to change or manage.

We cannot "control" others or events in the world...but we can choose how we manage ourselves and how to react to all that surrounds us.

A little bit about anger

Anger is a topic that can be discussed for hours. Many people struggle with ANGER management .

In fact many people struggle with many of their negative emotions because they do not know what to do about it.

For now lets just define it. Anger is a feeling. It is a negative feeling which also can be categorized as a type of stress. Anger is normal because everyone can get angry, but that does not mean it is healthy.

The only good thing about negative emotions is that they are a result of out thoughts and indicate what we are thinking and they can motivate people to make a change.

People generally do not like feeling angry because it is a negative feeling. Anger is unhealthy and most people wan to be healthy. So feeling bad or angry can make people wan tot make positive changes.

Also remember anger is a feeling and aggression is the behavior. Anger is ok and normal if managed in a healthy way, but aggression is not ok or safe.

People will get angry but the goal is to learn how to return to a healthy frame of mind as quickly as possible. People can learn and develop skills to be able to rarely stay in an angry state of mind for more than a few minutes if they choose.

So seek out this knowledge and practice these skill and choose not to be angry!

What affects our mood?

Your mood can be affected by many things. Just as your physical health is affected by so many things so is your mental health or the way you think, feel, and behave.

The air you breath, food you eat, drinks you drink, how much water you drink, vitamins, and minerals. Behavior of others, natural disaster, the weather, illness, injury, social events, exercise, smoking, drugs, alcohol, medication, things you have been told, genetics, childhood experiences, etc etc.

Basically everything any of your senses has experienced can affect your mood. Your mood is a result of genetic make up and learning. Here's the cool part...you can manage your mood!

The brain and nervous systems are fascinating and ever working to be healthy. People should learn to listen to their bodies and do everything in their power to help their bodies stay healthy.

If you have learned to be grumpy then you can unlearn it if you want!

If there is a physiological reason that you do not feel well then you can seek treatment.
Treatment : Another blog for another day

What to do?

Do you ever just not feel happy? Do you ever wonder why your mood is as it is? Most people just accept their mood as it is and say things like, " I am just in a bad mood today!"

Do people like being in a bad mood? Would they want to be in a good mood if they could be?

If people can understand that unless there is a physiological reason (i.e. - chemical imbalance ) , their mood or how they feel is a result of what they are thinking, then they would be able to manage their mood.

Interesting and true. If people could learn to think in healthy positive ways, they would feel and be healthier and more positive always.

Anything can be put in a positive perspective if people choose to do so! And the results are amazing! If you think not then find someone who can help you learn how and start enjoying the world as positive healthy people do!

It's Sunday

It is Sunday...Think about how lucky you are to have vision, hearing, ability to walk, or are pain free. These are a few things that most take for granted.

What is psychology

Psychology is the study of human behavior. Oh we can give it all sorts of fancier definitions but basically psychology is about the way human think, feel, and behave.
Everyone has psychological health because every one thinks feel and behaves. It really can be thought about that simply. Now how healthy is everyone ? That is the purpose of this blog.

There are hundreds of thousands of discussions and tons of facts, theories, and knowledge to be shared about how every individual's genetics and learned aspects of their psychological well being determines how healthy they are!

Got Psychological Health?

When asking people in general..."do you have mental health?" people hesitate. They are not sure what to think. People think mental health mean mental illness. People need to understand that everyone has mental health just as they have physical health.

Balance

Please think about being balanced. Some people are to serious and persnickety about everything while others are too aloof and indifferent in general terms.
Just consider being on a more even keel about things in general it is a good place to start to minimize stress.
Those who are worry warts so to speak are experience generalized stress while those who are aloof usually end procrastinating and falling behind with things and experience a more explosive situational stress. Both types are very unhealthy.

Medications

Medications could be a long long discussion. Just to give food for thought, after an interesting conversation with a friend who asked why do so many people take meds to make them think differently?

Well everyone wants to feel good. As a society people in general want things to be quick and easy.
So a pill is an easy answer. There are may potential problems with this quick fix. Way too much to get into on this blog today.

However a few things to consider are:

1-Much can be done to change brain chemicals without meds
i.e. - exercise, food, drink, sleep, many lifestyle habits, and especially our own ability to change our cognition or way of thinking.
2-There is not a lot of information about all the long term effects of many meds. A little concerning.
3-Medications often cause side effects that then might need to be medicated:-(
...then things can start to get very complex.
4-If a person can change their moods or symptoms without medication wouldn't it seem logical and in a bodies best interest to do whatever possible to be sure to exhaust every possible option first?

Sorry - Site under construction!

• MINDCare Consulting: Save the Parents
  
• Options for learning about psychological well being and health care for parents
  
• MINDCare was established to increase awareness and promote knowledge about psychological health care and well being especially for parents. It is not traditional mental health care.
  
• It is about being happy. All parents deserve to learn easy ways to raise responsible children, while taking very good care of themselves.
  
• MINDCare is an option for all individuals to get support and information, ask questions, and discuss issues they might be experiencing. Everyone deserves to learn about they way they think, feel, and behave.

• Services are convenient and affordable
  
• Areas of expertise include: Parenting, Anger Management, Suicide Prevention and Intervention
  

  MINDCare provides in home support and assistance with Parenting Challenges, Anger Issues, Negative Thinking, Anxiety, Relationships, Communication, Guilt, Worry, and variety of problematic areas in life.

• 410-528-3329
  
• Website: www.mindcareusa.com
• Blogs: www.mindcareusa.blogspot.com, www.savetheparents.blogspot.com
  

Please visit www.MINDCareUSA.com for information and questions about MINDCare services!